Hole in My Heart
by TVObssessedGirl28
Summary: Based on 'Reap the Whirlwind Part 2'. The team and Ethan try to come to terms with what's just happened.
1. Chapter 1

The sound of footsteps echoed down the corridor and all heads apart from two turned. Then when they heard Ethan's voice ask "Where's Ca?", both Connie and Charlie's heads turned. Ethan sensed something was wrong when he didn't receive an answer immediately. But, then his fear was confirmed when Charlie told him that Cal had been stabbed. Charlie's words made him go all numb. At first he felt shocked, upset, but then confusion creeped in. If Cal had been stabbed then why were all his friends outside of Resus, Ethan thought. They should have been in Resus saving Cal's life, not outside.

Then the realisation hit Ethan. He didn't want to believe it. Couldn't believe it and so trying to push passed Charlie, Ethan entered Resus. As the doors closed behind him, he could hear Connie tell Charlie "go with him". But, at that moment in time he didn't want Charlie or anyone else. He just wanted to see Cal. To see for himself what had happened to his brother.

The sight in front of him made Ethan pause for a moment in front of the doors. There lying on the bed with the tube still sticking out lay Cal. He felt himself shake his head slightly in disbelief when he saw the scene in front of him.

"Cal?" Ethan announced as he slowly made his way over to the bed.

"Cal." He said again, hoping this time he would get an answer.

"Caleb." This time Ethan pleaded with his brother when he realised Cal wasn't going to answer. His voice broke as he repeated his brother's name while attempting to wake him up. It was to no avail.

The choked out 'no's' repeated over and over again flowing out of Ethan's mouth could be heard by all his friends and colleagues as they remained where they were outside of Resus, all still in a state of shock over what had just happened. Charlie could feel the tears well up in his eyes as he saw Ethan break down over Cal's body. Charlie could not look at the two brothers so he looked away. He out of everyone in the team knew what those two had gone through over the past year when they had lost Emilie and through all that they had become like sons to him. So it was heartbreaking to see Cal's lifeless body lying there with Ethan so broken down. Charlie remained standing where he was while he let Ethan have the last few moments alone with Cal.

Ethan had to stop himself from collapsing to floor as he felt his knees buckle beneath him. He clung onto his brother's body and sobbed into his hair. Questions ran through his mind;

 _who would have done this?_

 _why would they have done this?_

 _how could they have done this?_

Those were the questions he didn't have answers to. Those were the questions he was going to need answers to.

He didn't realise how long he had been clinging on to Cal for, but after a few moments Ethan felt someone steer him away from his brother's body. But, he resisted. He didn't want to leave him. He wasn't there when Cal had died he was surely going to be there for him now.

"No, I can't leave him." Ethan heard himself say. "He's going to wake up. He has to wake up."

His last two sentences made him break down once more and he felt the person pulling him away.

"Come with me, Ethan." He heard Charlie say to him. "We'll go into the staffroom."

As the two of them left Resus, they walked passed their friend and colleagues who still stood where they had left them. Once inside Charlie led Ethan to the sofa and sat him down. While Charlie rattled around the ktichen area making a cup of tea, Ethan sat on the sofa just staring out in front of him. He couldn't believe what he had just seen. One minute he was talking to his brother, the next his brother was lying dead in Resus. Ethan shivered at the word. Dead. He had lost his adoptive mother, his birth mother and now he's lost his brother. His only sibling. The only family member he had left. Now he has no one. No family. He was all alone.

Back outside everyone went back to work, but with less energy. They seemed to be on autopilot, just going about their work as if they had no control. They still couldn't believe what had happened. It came as a shock to them since earlier in the day it had been Lily who they had to treat. And now Cal. Dylan remained by Resus looking throught the curtains where Cal's body lay. He had promised Cal he wouldn't die. Promised he wouldn't let that happen. And now he had broken that promise. Worst of all it was in Bay 4. They bay where he had lost so many other patients. The guilt he felt was unbearable. How was he supposed to tell Ethan? He had let his brother die. Ethan would never forgive him. As the rain continued to pour down the double doors to the ED opened and in walked Jez and Iain. Immediately when they entered they could sense a somber atmosphere. Scanning the room they saw their friends and colleagues going about their jobs as normal but, something about the way they went about it seemed strange. Seemed out of place.


	2. Chapter 2

Jez and Iain gave each other a look. Both could sense that something had happened. Walking up to reception they saw Noel and knew they needed answers.

"Noel?" Iain asked hesitantly. "Is it Lily?"

Noel shook his head, but the tears remained in his eyes.

"Um, no. Lily's stable. She should make a full recovery." Noel told them.

Iain sighed in relief. But, the sense of worry didn't disappear.

"Then what is it?" Jez asked.

Noel swallowed before answering.

"There's um been an incident involving Cal."

"What sort of incident?" Iain inquired.

"He's been stabbed…"

Time suddenly stood still when both paramedics heard the news.

"What do you mean 'stabbed'? Jez said.

"Dylan found him outside…."

"But, he is okay, right?" Iain interrupted.

Noel slowly shook his head.

"They rushed him into Resus, Elle, Dylan and Jacob. They tried everything they could but, he had lost too much blood. Dylan tried to save him. But, he had to call it."

"And how's Ethan?"

"Not too good. We tried to find Ethan. Unfortunately it was too late. Cal passed away before we could find him."

Both paramedics sighed heavily. After they almost lost Lily, they couldn't believe they had now lost Cal.

"Does Lily know?" Iain asked before he and Jez went back to the ambulance bay.

"No, I don't think so." Noel replied.

"Good. Let me tell her."

Noel gave him a nod. Gratefully, Iain smiled back in response.

The rain lashed down as Dylan stood where he had found Cal. The fear in Cal's eyes remained etched on his mind. As Dylan tried to stem the bleeding, he could see that Cal was scared for his life but, all he cared about at that moment even though he was seriously injured, was Ethan. All he wanted to know was if Ethan was alright. And during that moment when Cal asked him if his brother was okay, the only answer Dylan could say was to reassure him that he was. It was the only way he could get Cal to concentrate on himself. Then when Dylan saw the plea in his eyes when Cal told him, he didn't want to die, Dylan swore on his life that he wasn't going to let that happen. But, now what could be done? Cal was dead. Dylan had failed to save him. He felt the guilt squeezing him as his temper got the better of him and he lashed out. He banged his fists against the wall as he cried out. He should have saved him, could have saved him if he hadn't stopped. Why did he stop? He wondered. He could have carried on. There was a chance for Cal to be saved. If Dylan had done his job properly then Cal would have be alive, Ethan wouldn't be in the department wondering what happened to his brother and the team wouldn't be mourning the loss of a friend. Dylan continued to scream and punch until his lungs grew weak and his fists were raw.

"Dylan!" Charlie shouted. "Dylan, stop. You'll hurt yourself."

"I should have been able to save him!" Dylan screamed. "I promised I would save him!"

"This isn't your fault, Dylan." Charlie told him as he tried to calm his colleague down.

"I let him down. I let Ethan down."

"You're not to blame. It's the sick person who did this, who's to blame."

"I know that. But, we're doctors. I'm a doctor. It's my job to help people. To save people."

"I know it's hard when we lose a patient." Charlie said. "It's even harder when the patient is a friend and colleague, however, no matter how difficult it is, we deal with it. We learn how to deal with it. It's part of the job. And though it seems selfish that we deal with it eventually, it will still hurt. The hurt won't disappear. But, it will become bearable. This affects all of us, most of all this affects Ethan. Now Ethan's going to need our support and we have to remain strong, for all our sakes."

After the speech Charlie gave him, Dylan bowed his head. Everything Charlie had said was true. Taking a few deep breaths, Dylan raised his head back up.

"Um, where's Ethan?" Dylan wondered.

"He's still in the staffroom. He's calmed down a bit, but he keeps insisting he wants to see Cal. He keeps saying that Cal's going to wake up. I don't think it's a good idea to let him go and see Cal."

"He should have the chance to say a proper goodbye, Charlie. I'll go with him into Resus and stay with him."

The two of them headed back into the department. Charlie went back to work while Dylan walked towards the staffroom. Reaching the staffroom, Dylan hovered before knocking on the wood. He didn't hear an answer from within but, knew Ethan was in there. Quietly, he opened the door. He found Ethan where Charlie had left him. Sat on the sofa staring into space.

"Ethan?" Dylan said. "Ethan, Charlie said you wanted to see Cal's body."

Dylan didn't recieve an answer.

"I've come to take you to see him." He carried on.

As if he was a zombie, Ethan stood up automatically and followed Dylan towards Resus in silence. No words were spoken between the two. When the reached the double doors to Resus, Ethan paused. That was his brother in there. His big brother.

"He's supposed to protect me." Ethan whispered.

If only he knew just how true that was, Dylan thought to himself.


End file.
